Tips and Tricks for Feeding a Picky Toddler

A how-to guide for overcoming the challenges of meal time with your little one(s).

Let's face it, it's not all rainbows and butterflies at the dinner table when there's a toddler present. Food is being thrown and smeared, temper tantrums are being had, and patience is running thin. Keep reading to learn why children may show these behaviors around meal time, and how to overcome these challenges.

Why do Children Become Picky Eaters?

Children become picky eaters for a variety of reasons. Between the ages of 1 and 3, it's very common for kids to begin expressing their independence. They're beginning to branch out in all areas of their life, including learning how to walk, grasp, speak, and make their own decisions. At this age, a child's need for autonomy is heightened, and choosing the foods they eat is no exception. During this phase of independence, they may express their needs and wants through saying "yes" or "no," reaching for something or pushing something away, resisting, etc. These are all forms of communication for your child and each one is a valid way for them to express their decisiveness.

It's also possible that your child is not hungry. By the toddler stage of life, growth has slowed down significantly since infancy, and energy needs may be less for your little one. The rapid rate of growth in infancy causes a feeding routine to develop and parents often try to carry this routine into the toddler years. It can be difficult to step back and allow your child to choose when he/she wants to eat, but the fact of the matter is that their bodies are fully equipped to tell them when they need food. So if your child is pushing foods they normally like away, this could simply be because they're not hungry.

Toddler's are beginning to use their senses more, and their environment can be very distracting during meal times. Sometimes the biggest challenge for parents is getting their child to sit down for a meal. If this is the case for you, consider removing distractions like TV's, cell phones/tablets, toys, pets, etc. from the room so your child's main point of focus is their meal.

The last reason your child may not want to eat the foods you're offering is because new things can be scary for them. Think about it this way, if you were to travel to a new country where the food and culture is different from the foods and culture you experience at home, you might be a little hesitant to try new things, right? It goes the same for your kid! Until now, your child has only eating liquids and pureed foods, so it's totally normal for them to be hesitant when you present something that they've never tried before.

How Can You Overcome These Challenges?

Let your child use their senses.

When your kid starts painting with pasta sauce, it's common to have the gut reaction to stop them. But it's important to understand that this is a way for them to familiarize themselves with the food they're eating. It can sometimes take 10 or more exposures to a food before a child will eat it. An exposure can mean placing the new food in front of them and letting them use their senses to explore the food. Remember that taste is not the only sense your toddler will use while familiarizing themselves with a food, so even they don't taste the food, it still counts as exposure! Parental patience is the key when it comes to new food exposure.

Use food models.

Food models are a great way to get your child familiarized with new foods. Playing with food models in a pretend kitchen set gives them the opportunity to get used to food shapes and textures that they haven't seen before. Another great tool for this stage of life is a mealtime companion like Milton. Milton sits with your child as they eat and they can feed him to see someone else eating the food they're eating. When they see that Milton is eating the food, the food may appear less intimidating and they may feel more comfortable trying the food themselves. If you don't want to spend on Milton, you can simply model eating behavior yourself. Just try not to react while eating. When you say things like "yummm" and "yuck," your child may choose not to consume the food. The simple act of eating is the perfect way to model meal time behavior for your little one.

Divide the duties.

Many parents tend to run when this topic is discussed. Nonetheless, it's extremely important that you stick to your roles when it's meal time. As the parent or caregiver, it's your job to decide what food is being served, when the food is being served, and where the food is being served. Everything else (selecting the foods they want and eating them) is up to your child. It can be tempting to bribe, trick or beg your child to eat certain foods, and while all of these attempts come from a place of love, it is simply not your duty as a caregiver. When it comes to deciding which foods you want to serve for dinner, make sure your meal includes a "safe" food.

A safe food is something that you know without a doubt your child will eat. Let's be real, this is probably a carbohydrate of some sort like pasta, bread, fruit, etc. By serving a safe food, you can end meal time knowing that your child filled their belly, even if they didn't eat the new food. My recommendation would be to start introducing new foods one at a time. Choose a food that your child hasn't tried before. For example, let's say you want to introduce your child to broccoli. You know your child loves pasta with tomato sauce, peas, and chicken, so you might serve the pasta, chicken, and broccoli. If your child chooses to pass on the broccoli this night, it's still a win because they ate the safe foods and were officially exposed to a new food. Continue serving broccoli and exposing your child to the new food from this point. Let them squish it, smell it, eat it, spit it out, eat it again. Be patient while they use their senses to familiarize themselves with the new food.

If your child begins to ask for specific foods but you hadn't planned on making those foods that day, be respectful but don't cater. An appropriate response to your child might be "that's not on the menu for tonight, but we can plan it for another day," or "I know you really like certain foods on the table, and it's ok if you want to stick to those if you're not ready to try something new tonight."

As the caregiver it's also your responsibility to assure that meal times are not times for tension or confrontation. Do your best to keep meal times in a relaxed environment and help your child be mindful of what they're eating. Being mindful can mean helping them point on certain textures, colors, smells, flavors, etc. Instead of saying that broccoli is "good" for you, you can say that broccoli is green and resembles a tree. Instead of saying that chips and crackers are "junk" foods, try saying they're yellow, cheesy, crunchy, etc.

Additionally, while avoiding words like good and bad, you should also try your best not to react when your kiddo eats something. Although it may feel like a major accomplishment when your child eats a new vegetable (you go, mama!), try not to react. By praising and reacting during this event, your child might pick up on the fact that the food is out of the ordinary, or different from other foods, and they may choose to pass on that food next time. On the other hand, if your toddler eats more cookies than usual, it's also important not to be upset about this. You should never say something "Jimmy that's too many sweets," because Jimmy will realize that the cookies have value and that they're special in that he's not supposed to have a certain amount of them. Keep the tones and attitudes around meal times neutral. Remember that food does not have a moral value, and when it comes to feeding your little one, food is nourishment and a means for survival.

Thou shalt not....hide spinach in mashed potatoes. A common mistake I see being made often is the assumption that hiding foods is ok. This is not something you want to do when it comes to introducing new foods to your child because your child will begin to lose trust in you as a food provider and this may lead to them making even fewer attempts to try new things at the dinner table. Be transparent about the foods that are on the table. Be patient with your child, and respect their right and ability to choose which foods they want to consume on their own.

Make meal times fun.

If your child loves playing with their food (they probably do), then it's a great idea to get them involved in the kitchen. Get creative with your meals, add foods and utensils that are brightly colored, use cookie cutters and make fun shapes. Bring your kid into the kitchen and let them help you prepare the meal, this counts as an exposure to food and would give them a sense of achievement which may make them more inclined to try the food. Simple tasks like washing fruits and vegetables, mixing, arranging, and stirring are age-appropriate ways to help out in the kitchen.

Be patient.

While it might seem overwhelming and impossible, you and your child will eventually master meal times. Have faith in your super-mom abilities and keep at it! For more tips and tricks for feeding your children, visit eatright.org